Monday, March 02, 2009

Position Wanted

Part-time, of course. I have a day job I like.

This is from my junk mail folder this morning:

- My name is miss Blessing, I am single and 5.5ft.How are you,i hope your are find and in sound health.I went through your profile today and i took interest on it. I am interested in your profile, Kindly contact me. I will tell you more about myself and picture.Awaits your reply soonest.Blessing.

OK, I'm officially making myself available to all the internet scam artists out there. Y'all need an editor! You're losing a huge amount of potential business BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE!! So people know right away that you're idiots, rather than finding out later that they are idiots, which is the way you want it, right?

I can help you over this hump. I can clean up your grammmar and punctuation and make you sound ... well ... credible. We can even negotiate a Platinum Package where you were actually get some rhetorical flair, some style. We can pinpoint your pitch to specific target markets. 

All for a decent cut of the action, of course.

Contact me.


Unknown said...

Fr. Dan,

A most enterprising approach to dealing with this. The only improvement I could suggest, were the authorities interested, and were there reward money (it need not be "dead or alive," although that, too, has its appeal), would be to be granted the functional equivalent of a letter of marque and reprisal to seek out such malefactors and assist in bringing them to justice, in exchange for the rewards (monetary, psychological, etc.). Perhaps this is all an outgrowth of my twenty years of naval experience—such experience can inculcate a distinctly down-to-earth pragmatism.

Blessings and regards,
Keith Toepfer

P.S., I also heard from Ms. Blessing.

Anonymous said...

Fr. Dan,
Sorry, I sent you a letter by mistake. I wish you hadn't posted it. I forgot to spell check too.
Dcn Dale
(AKA miss blessing)

Anonymous said...

Dear Fr. Dan:

OFF TOPIC: I thought you might want to know that Fr. Bruce Kirkwood passed away this morning. His cancer had made a fierce comeback.

Love and Blessings,

from NOT Ms. Blessing, but

Deacon Francie

Daniel Martins said...

Thanks for the news, Francie.

Anonymous said...

Most welcome, Fr. Dan!

Deacon Francie

Anonymous said...

The people who send out this kind of spam misspell words on purpose so that the emails can not be detected by spam filter software. To say the people responsible for sending out spam are idiots and can not spell is not true. In fact are genius for coming up with the alternate spelling.